Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and

after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)



A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

 

hahahahahaha these are great!!

 

Another two :-)

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:


Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other
pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57
photos in that envelope along with this note:


Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.


Take Care,
Ricky



> Defense Attorney: > Will you please state your age?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > I am 71 years old.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened
> the night of April 1st?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front
> porch on a warm spring evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the
> porch and sat down beside me..
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > Did you know him?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > No, but he sure was friendly.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > What happened after he sat down?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > He started to rub my thigh.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > Did you stop him?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > No, I didn't stop him.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > Why not?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert
> died some 30 years ago.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > What happened next?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > He began to rub my breasts.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: > Did you stop him then?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: > No, I did not stop him.
> >
> > Defence Attorney: Why not?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
> haven't felt that good in years!
> >
> > Defence Attorney: What happened next?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just
> laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
> >
> > Defence Attorney: Did he take you?
> >
> > Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' and ran off .
>
> > And that's when I shot him ............ the little bastard!