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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
>WOMEN'S REVENGE
>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
>wished to purchase.
>As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
>television set in her purse.
>"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
>me,
>and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
>legally."
>
>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>
>I know I'm not going to understand women.
>I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
>dislikes."
>He addressed the man,
>"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
>Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
>The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
>She directs him down the correct aisle.
>A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
>***** and a ball of string on the counter.
>She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
>tampons for your wife?
>He answers, "You see, it's like this,
>yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of
>cigarettes,
>and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
>papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
>So, I figure if I have to roll my own so does she.
>(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
>
>WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
>word.
>An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>
>W O R D S
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
>a day...
>30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>everything to men...
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>
>
>CREATION
>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>
>WHO DOES WHAT
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>should brew the coffee each morning.
>The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
>and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
>The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
>you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
>my coffee."
>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
>that the man should do the coffee."
>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
>and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
>says.........."HEBREWS"
>
>The Silent Treatment
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
>each
>other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
>next day,
>he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
>business flight.
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on a piece of paper,
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
>it.
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
>and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
>see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of
>paper by
>the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
>God may have created man before woman,
>but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
>
>SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
>HANDLE IT!