trk2loud

This is a copy of the California Driver's Exam. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.


2005 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION


Name: ___________________ Stage Name: __________________


Agent: ___________________ Attorney: ____________________


Therapist's Name: _________________


Sex: [ ]Male [ ]Female* [ ]Formerly Male [ ]Formerly Female
[ ]Both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______


Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No


Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:
_______________________________________________
(Use extra pages if necessary)


Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]
Skinhead
[ ] Other ___________


Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)

[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ]Shaving (male or female)
[x] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Lifting weights
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading


Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:
[ ] Shoot at other drivers ___
[ ] Be shot at ___


If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
[ ] Call the police to report the crime.
[ ] Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
[ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company for your 911 call not going through.
[ ] Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
[ ] Stop your car.
[ ] Keep driving and hope for the best.
[ ] Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
[ ] Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.


In the instance of rain, you should:
[ ] Never drive over 5 MPH.
[ ] Drive twice as fast as usual.
[ ] You're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week:
____

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] Prozac
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] Valium
[ ] Zoloft
[ ] All of the above
[ ] None of the above*
* If none, please explain: __________________.


Length of daily commute:
[ ] Less than 1 hour*
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours
[ ] 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain: ____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:
[ ] Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
[ ] Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 freeway.
[ ] Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.


When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it means:
[ ] Her turn-signals are broken.
[ ] She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes
[ ] She is drying her nails.


Which part of your car will wear out first?
[ ] The wiper blades
[ ] The seat belts
[ ] The horn

Automatic door locks are good for:
[ ] Security
[ ] Convenience
[ ] Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.


The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
[ ] Dark, poorly lit roads
[ ] Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
[ ] Revenge


If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test, you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear, or move.