Derek Jerome

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The
officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour,
sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise
control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly
from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks
over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your
mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, " You should be
thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the
illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his
wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman,
can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're
not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic
$75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had
it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that
I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you
didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your
seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third
ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY
DON'T YOU SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does
your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

(the killer line is next )

"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been
drinking."